Santa . . .

So Demon Baby had a lovely Christmas. He got an electronic guitar, Legos, a Nintendo DS, Ninja pants (black fleece pants from Old Navy, God bless them they make a pant he will wear at times), a large coloring book, and assorted other presents. Oh, and a lifelike baby bear. It makes noise. You feed it a bottle. It moves.

"WHAT?!" he asked when he opened it.

"It's a baby bear that moves," said I, thinking he wasn't quite sure.

"Santa is out of his mind. He brought me a GIRL present!!!!"

"It's not a girl present!" I shrieked in outrage.

"Is too! What am I supposed to do with THIS? GIRLS feed bears with a baby bottle."

"That is incredibly sexist. BOYS CAN TOO." Hoping to avoid an international incident, I hurriedly said, "Open another present."

Well, here it is about 10 days post Christmas. And guess what he carries around 24/7? His baby bear. And when he leaves the house to do anything, guess who is handed the bottle and told to keep up feedings, kiss it, tuck it in, wrap in in blankets and otherwise mother a fake baby bear?

Yeah. More work load for me.

But it seems Santa knew what she was doing.

Stocking Raider

The stockings are hung. In anticipation of Christmas, I had stuck a dark chocolate bar in each. No one noticed because they are flat, and really? Who checks their stocking before Christmas?

We've been telling Demon Baby that Santa would bring his sister home from college. On the way to the airport, he was convinced Santa's sled was landing. When she arrived, he was delirious with joy.

When he got home, the first thing he did was check his stocking where he found his candy bar. When I asked him why he looked in his stocking, his answer was, "Because Santa came tonight."

Christmas morning he is going to be SO surprised.

What Demon Baby Wants for Christmas

You don't SERIOUSLY think he wants normal things, like TOYS, do you?

Of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I present Demon Baby's Christmas list.

1. This.

2. THIS!

3. And this.

My kid is from Mars.

A Demon Dressed as a Reindeer

What Miscreant . . .

. . . invented Christmas light-up things that make noise? LOTS of noise. LOUD noise.

Demon Baby has discovered two things out of the vast array of Christmas crap I own and have accumulated over the years.

1) Santa . . . in a "Low Rider." It plays the song Low Rider. His dad is Mexican . . . we got it as a gag gift. It is Demon Baby's favorite Christmas item. I now hear Low Rider in my sleep.

2) The musical house. Demon Baby's sister has a Christmas village and last year got a little house with the MOST OBNOXIOUS musical song and lights. It lasts for five minutes and I am ready to toss it out the window. Yet the sight of Demon Baby dancing next to it keeps it there in my office. I have a headache--but the kid is cute.

If I survive the next 25 days . . . with what little sanity I have left intact, that will be the Christmas Miracle.