Birds and the Bees

I've had four children, and my approach to S-E-X has been to be very upfront. There are no fancy names for body parts in my house. From age two on, a penis is a penis, and so on.

So today, I had a baby shower for a friend of mine's daughter. I told Demon Baby that I was having a baby shower because my friend was going to be a grandma, and we were going to give her daughter presents so that when the baby came, she would have nice, new things for her little girl.

Demon Baby lurked on the staircase, occasionally sneaking a peek at the big belly on the Mom-to-Be. She got lovely gifts, we cleaned up, everyone went home.


He apparently decided he'd worn enough clothes for the day, because he came in to my office stark naked and said, "So what happened?"


"What do you mean what happened? You were here all day."


"No. What happened? That lady with the HUMONGASAUROUS belly--I thought she was going to have her baby here today."


"Um . . . no. The baby has to grow a little more and then she will have it in the hospital." Of course, I was quite grateful that in addition to serving cake and punch, I didn't have to deliver a baby today.


"Well, that stinks. I wanted to see her pop it out. THAT would be totally cool."



"Sorry. I'll keep that in mind next time I decide to throw a baby shower."


He walked away, shoulders hunched, quite disappointed. "Well, crap. THAT was no fun."