Health Class

Remember health class? You took it along with PE. It was where you learned about S-E-X. You know, the real biological details. Fallopian tubes. Ovaries. Penises.

Well, today, Demon Baby was very happy and excited. Demon Baby is a pretty sensory kid. So when he gets excited, he has to externalize it. He jumps up and down. He claps hands. He pinches. Yes, pinches. Me.

I have an arm and hand full of bruises, but I don't get too mad. It's not an "I want to hurt you" thing, but a "I'm so excited I don't know what to do so I'm going to have this wild moment." And I get pinched.

Anyway, I was talking with a friend at church, Demon was excited. "Pick me up!" Pinch. "Please!" Pinch. Smiles and giggles. But pinching, too.

And it dawned on me. Demon Baby should be required babysitting. One day. Eight hours. For every teen couple even CONTEMPLATING having sex. He's not a Demon Baby. He is Birth Control.

I'm all for safe sex. But I think the current administration's focus on abstinence is all wrong. Demon Babies should be REQUIRED in all Health Classes. The teen pregnancy rate would drop to zero.

Let me be the new Surgeon General.