Traveling Nine Hours in a Car with Demon Baby

Note: The trip was SUPPOSED to take six hours.

A summarized play-by-play of driving a long distance for vacation with Demon Baby.

Leave driveway. Get to the stop sign at end of street. Demon Baby says, "I need my orange sippie cup." Know there will be NO PEACE if the purple one is taken on trip instead of orange one. Drive back for orange sippie cup. Four minutes into the trip. Have not traveled one foot.

Leave driveway again. Get to end of street. Make a right. Leave neighborhood. Get two lights up.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How 'bout now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No. Don't ask me for at least a half hour."

Two minutes later. "Has it been a half hour?"

Drive on highway. "I'm hungry."

"What do you want? I have the peanut butter cookies you like, I have bananas, I have a sandwich for you."

"I want miso soup."

"I don't have miso soup."

"But I want it."

"You'll have to wait."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

Drive for five minutes.

"I need to pee."

Find bathroom at a McDonald's. He decides he wants fries. Been on road 45 minutes. Have not traveled more then 10 miles.

Get on road.

"I'm tired."

"Good. Go to sleep."

"But I want to sleep with you in the big bed."

"We can't fit the big bed in the car."

"I think I have to poop."

"Why didn't you go in the McDonald's?"

We all know the answer to that. "Because I didn't have to then."

Do the math. We arrived at 6:30 a.m. (I prefer to drive at night.) I needed a cocktail from the stress. It was happy hour somewhere.

The ride home was equally horrific. We searched for a rest room at 11:00 P.M. for Demon who insisted, again, he had to go potty. I was unfortunate enough to take an exit from I-95 where despite a sign proclaiming gas stations and food, all signs of civilization were five miles off. If it is NOT AT THE HIGHWAY, do not post there is a restaurant at that exit!!! I hate highway planners. They are unkind to traveling American Moms like me.

It is good to be home.

But it was a marvelous vacation. I got to pay attention to Demon Baby and he was a very, very happy little boy. Will post some pictures.