Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Thinking

One of the things about adults is they can be pretty good at hiding their true motives, their thoughts. Some people are an open book. In general, what you see is what you get with me. Others are devious, or they aren't in touch with their feelings, or they just don't ever show their true selves.

Demon Baby, as I've shared, has an unmistakable propensity for fighting. He sees the world as his battleground. I have tried to teach him a meditation, I have tried to get him to take deep breaths and say "om." I really have. I pull him on my lap, and I can feel his heart POUNDING out of his chest, he gets so worked up with these battles he must fight. His weapons can be anything from a fork, to his finger ("my gun!") to projectiles made from household objects.
What disturbed me most was that I could "see" him think. If he didn't get a reaction from Object A hurled . . . he looked for a heavier one. One that could hurt someone. And though he got time-outs and my own occasional utter melt-down of yelling, nothing deterred him.

But I tried to be consistent. I'm not perfect as a mother by any means. But I tried to always show him there was another way to be, a more peaceful one. "Deep breaths, Demon Baby. Deep breaths."

So the last few times he's worked himself into a frenzy, I have watched him look for projectiles . . . and then I see something else. A flicker of a conscience crossing his face. I can see him actually pondering if he wants to do mayhem or put it down. With the exception of last night, when he had a total meltdown, he has opted to put down his "weapon."

I think I'm making progress. Baby steps. But on top of that, there is something so beautiful about watching his face and actually seeing it move in a matter of seconds from anger to calm, as if I can SEE him thinking. In a world where people hide behind masks, where adults learn to not let their faces show what they're REALLY thinking . . . I love his openness.

I am hoping to make him a man of peace.
P.S. Picture from our march on Washington.

8 comments:

spyscribbler said...

He's a lucky boy. :-)

People who don't show themselves kinda freak me out. I do have one friend who goes into sort of a "correctly social" mode amongst people, and it always makes me feel off balance. I love her dearly, but I'm not a correctly social person. What I think and feel just blurts out. I don't know how to chit-chat. I have to talk about what's real, you know? I can't help it.

So when she goes into that mode, I suddenly have nothing to talk about with her, LOL. It's really kind of funny. Once she's back to normal, then we have plenty to talk about again.

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Spy:
I have a couple of acquaintances like that . . . And I'm pretty much like you. I do know how to do the small-talk thing, but I don't like to. I'd rather just be "me."

E

conley730 said...

I love it when you can see that something you've tried to instill in your child has paid off. Demon looks like an adorable baby from that pic. I'm glad he's starting to let a little peace in and let go of some of the destruction.

Suzanne Perazzini said...

Love the photo - the blue of the placard and the blue of the jeans. Sorry - that's just the artist in me.
I'm with you and Spyscribbler on the small talk question. I get bored to death. Give me deep, meaning of life and analysis of human behaviour etc. conversations any day. Unfortunately, that bamboozles and bores many people so you have to choose your companion. Fortunately, my husband thinks like me. If we have nothing to say, we are silent while at other times we can talk for an hour at a time and not know time is passing.
I have a feeling that your darling Demon Baby will turn out just great especially with you as a mother. You will win in the end.

Erica Orloff said...

Conley:
Today was "one of those days." He caught me in tears . . . I was just so exhausted (Oldest Son has been sick with strep . . . life has been even more exhausting than usual . . . and Demon was being Demonish). And his face got so sad and he hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry!!!" I am glad I see glimpses of a real conscience forming. He is so sweet at heart . . . but he is "something" when he wants to be,
E

Erica Orloff said...

Suzanne:
I always liked that picture too.

:-)

And I am SO with you on silence.
E

Aimless Writer said...

Awww, what a cute little boy!
I'm sure the peace will rub off on him as he grows.
Give him some paint brushes and canvas and let him he show his aggression there! Perhaps you'll find the next DaVinci

PS, I'm so bad at small talk just the thought of it makes me cringe.

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Aimless;
Small talk makes me break out ina cold sweat. :-)

And actually, I have been contemplating being brave enough to do a painting project with him this weekend. I will let you know the results. Though somehow, I think he might be more of a SCULPTOR with a chisel and rock and hammer. Seems more his style. But you never know.

:-)
E