Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Naked Strike Update

Many people have asked me, "So how goes the Naked Strike?"

Well . . . it took me a while (six months to be precise), but we now have Semi-Naked Strike punctuated by moments of full dress. My solution (finally came to me about two weeks ago) was to get VERY creative.

Turns out Demon Baby has aspirations to be a Ninja.

So I bought him black fleece sweatpants with no tags (tags are a big no-no).

And black turtlenecks of all cotton (again, no tags).

And those are his Ninja outfits.

He will wear his Ninja clothes, commando (no underwear ever), punctuated by long stretches where he will wear his Ninja pants only, with no shirt, no matter how cold it is (as in picture in post below when my house's temperature was 62 and it was freezing outside). Socks are a no-go, so he's barefoot 24/7, even when I take him to church or the store.

At night, he still prefers to be naked, but I have convinced him that this ONE shirt he has (that is a hand-me-down from his brother) is protective Ninja nighttime armor. So he will wear THAT, with no underwear. It falls to his knees, so that's OK.

So it's now mostly a Semi-Naked Strike.

And my son is a Ninja.

It's a good thing I am a writer and creative.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Pig and the Demon

His favorite stuffed animal.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Stocking Raider

The stockings are hung. In anticipation of Christmas, I had stuck a dark chocolate bar in each. No one noticed because they are flat, and really? Who checks their stocking before Christmas?

We've been telling Demon Baby that Santa would bring his sister home from college. On the way to the airport, he was convinced Santa's sled was landing. When she arrived, he was delirious with joy.

When he got home, the first thing he did was check his stocking where he found his candy bar. When I asked him why he looked in his stocking, his answer was, "Because Santa came tonight."

Christmas morning he is going to be SO surprised.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Visiting Santa


It was 30 degrees out.

Classic Demon Baby.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What Demon Baby Wants for Christmas

You don't SERIOUSLY think he wants normal things, like TOYS, do you?

Of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I present Demon Baby's Christmas list.

1. This.

2. THIS!

3. And this.

My kid is from Mars.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

How You Know You Are the Mother of a Demon Baby

When you return from an evening out and ask the babysitters (PLURAL; it takes TWO to watch him), "How did it go?"

"No lasting or permanent damage. "

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Instruction Manual

If children come with an instruction manual, I have lost mine. While Oldest Daughter, a classical violinist, has turned out amazingly well and mature and intelligent, I know I made HUGE mistakes with her. Alas, the life of the firstborn, when parents are pretty clueless.

Child #2, a boy, is an easygoing kid. He is starting to seem a bit like a teenager (he's 13, after all), but even at that, he empties the dishwasher, will watch Demon Baby, and still tells me he loves me.

Child #3, a girl, reads on the college level (she's 10) . . . and is very smart, but very visual. She wants to be a filmmaker, perhaps, or a poet (she's a great writer). Also relatively easy.

And then there's Demon Baby. Not only have I lost my instruction manual for him, I think when HIS instruction manual was printed, it instantly was engulfed in flames--spontaneous combustion.

He didn't speak a word for over two years--almost 2 and a half years. Then he started speaking in paragraphs. And he has is perculiarities.

So I study him to try to figure him out. He has all sorts of food issues--like don't EVER stir his spaghetti or touch his food once he has started eating it. Cut all the crusts off his peanut butter sandwiches. DON'T let the peanut butter jar even THINK about mating with the jam jar.

And the whole naked thing. Yesterday, I wrestled him into clothes for preschool, and he screamed, "They're hurting me!"

"Your clothes are not hurting you."

"Yes, they are."

So I stopped and really listened. His ANGUISH was evident. No joke. We added a soft cotton t-shirt under his sweatshirt, and he seemed happier with it.

But I feel like he just--on a purely sensory level--likes being naked. He's just different that way.

That's in his instruction manual.

Monday, December 1, 2008

What Miscreant . . .

. . . invented Christmas light-up things that make noise? LOTS of noise. LOUD noise.

Demon Baby has discovered two things out of the vast array of Christmas crap I own and have accumulated over the years.

1) Santa . . . in a "Low Rider." It plays the song Low Rider. His dad is Mexican . . . we got it as a gag gift. It is Demon Baby's favorite Christmas item. I now hear Low Rider in my sleep.

2) The musical house. Demon Baby's sister has a Christmas village and last year got a little house with the MOST OBNOXIOUS musical song and lights. It lasts for five minutes and I am ready to toss it out the window. Yet the sight of Demon Baby dancing next to it keeps it there in my office. I have a headache--but the kid is cute.

If I survive the next 25 days . . . with what little sanity I have left intact, that will be the Christmas Miracle.