Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Dr. Demon Baby

My kids know when I am about to lose it. I start sighing. Loudly. I tend to lose it at the end of the day . . . usually on the occasions when I discover a MESS of epic proportions, which I now have to deal with after many hours of writing and assorted stress.

Demon Baby now predicates messes with coming in to me and saying the following:

"Mom . . . nothing broke. But . . . [FILL IN "I spilled an entire half-gallon of orange juice on the floor" or "I let the senile dog into the family room and he peed in there," or "I got creative with my food again" or "You might not want to look at the couch"]."

Then I usually sigh and slap my pen down on my desk.

Then, lately, he usually pats my arm and says, very slowly and patronizingly, "Now Mom, stop freaking out and CALM DOWN [aside, spoken as if I am a jumper on top of the George Washington Bridge] . . . you don't want your blood pressure to go up now, do you?"

And usually . . . that's enough for me to remember that life is too short to care about messes.

11 comments:

fakefrenchie said...

If an adult spoke patronizingly to me, I'd go beserk. If my son spoke patronizingly to me, I'd go ballistic. Good thing I don't hae kids, eh?

Erica Orloff said...

FF:
He meant it CALMING not patronizing in that sense. I'm just trying to get readers to "hear" it. He's just mimicking "soothing," whatever that is. LOL!!!!! He actually, for all his naughtiness, is usually pretty charming.

E

P.S. And don't go ballistic. That's bad for your blood pressure. ;-)

Melanie Avila said...

I'd have a hard time not laughing if he said that, although after X number of times, who knows.

Erica Orloff said...

Melanie:
I know. It's a lot of CRASH. OOPS! DON'T WORRY! I SWEAR IT'S NOT BROKEN. OOPS! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I PROMISE!

Suzanne Perazzini said...

It's definitely not patronizing. He really is trying to ease your stress. He is still unable to prevent himself from creating the situation that stresses you but at least he tries to lessen the impact. He is learning.
I loved the last few posts too. Great stories. Demon Baby the Mouse Slayer.

Nadine said...

He is wise beyond his years!

This post was good for me today - I was just on the phone with the bank for 40 minutes trying to fix THEIR mess up and I got really worked up. But you are right - life is too short. I feel much better now. :)

fakefrenchie said...

"P.S. And don't go ballistic. That's bad for your blood pressure. ;-)"

LOL, I know. But despite knowing, I do it all the time.

Erica Orloff said...

Suzanne:
He is a great Mouse Slayer.

E

Erica Orloff said...

Nadine:
I still sigh a lot, but I try to remember the lessons he provides.

E

Robin said...

Thank you. That story made me think I have to mellow out a bit and not sweat the small stuff. Demon Baby can heal from afar.

Erica Orloff said...

Robin:
He's a miracle worker. LOL!