Friday, November 13, 2009

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

I don't know if I have ever mentioned it on this blog, but I have Crohn's disease. I think I've had it since my teens, but I didn't get my diagnosis until I was almost 30 and lay dying in a hospital ER. My journey with the disease has been largely painful and definitely challenging. I was told not to have more children after my first. Well, I'm a mom of four . . . so . . . ups and downs and challenges and prayers. But here I am. Still fighting the fight.

However, lately, I have not been doing so great. It doesn't appear to be Crohn's so much as sort of the side effects (immune system). Each day, I run fevers. Needless to say, this can get exhausting. So I try to get into bed around 7:00 each night in my pjs and my children are all very solicitous. I have been to the hospital twice this week, and I know they are sweetly concerned. Even Demon Baby.

However, being a Demon Baby, he has found a USE for my illness. Hence, this conversation last night at bedtime.

"I'm going to snuggy in with you."

"Great."

"I'm freezing."

"You're only in underwear. It's nearly winter."

"I don't like clothes."

"I know."

"I don't like pajamas."

"I know."

"I like snuggling."

"I know."

He burrowed down next to me, under the covers. And then proceeded to lift my pajama shirt and stick his ice cold feet on my BELLY. I almost jumped out of bed!

"What are you doing?"

"Warming up my feet!"

"They're icicles!"

"Yes, but you are hotness!"

"Hotness?"

"Mama, when I touch you now, you are burning hot. I figure why wear clothes if you can just heat me up."

At that he pressed ice cold hands to my face. "See? You are my hotness."

"I have to admit, your cold hands feel good on my face, but I could do without icicle feet on my belly."

"It's just until you heat them up."

He snuggled closer. "Are you always going to be hot from now on?"

"I don't think so. I think the doctors will fix me."

"Do you really have to go to the hospital tomorrow?"

"I do."

"Will you take me with you?"

"I can't, Buddy."

"Well, when you come home, I will put my coldness on your face and make you feel better."

Oh, I could have done without the hospital this week. But you know, if you're going to have to be sick, a personal popsicle makes things all better.

14 comments:

Cheryl Kauffman said...

I am so sorry you are going through this, I will pray you feel better soon. DB is very lucky to have you as his Snuggie.

Erica Orloff said...

Cheryl:
Yeah . . . cold feet on the belly. Fun times. ;-)
E

Amy Sue Nathan said...

What makes you a good mom is that you don't march him back to bed...that you see the thoughtfulness in his hands on your face and the rationale in his icicle feet on your belly. I can hear others saying they'd have "none of this such nonsense" and those are the ones I feel sorry for.

I tend to think when the blessings are harder to find - they're much more meaningful once you do.

I call it the blessings in the bullshit, which I wouldn't say when talking about a child, but perhaps the same could be said for demon baby blessings. A little harder to discern, but quite remarkable.

I hope you feel better soon.

Nadine said...

I'm so sorry you haven't been doing well. I hope you feel much better soon and I'm glad Demon Baby is there to cool you down!

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Amy:
Marching Demon Baby anywhere is a futile endeavour. LOL!
And I totally understand what you are saying. The people who find blessings in the midst of crappy times . . . I think it helps with your whole outlook.
E

Erica Orloff said...

Nadine:
I am glad he's a chilly little popsicle too.
E

Melanie Avila said...

Ugh, this whole post just breaks my heart. It also warms it, but I hate that you suffer so much.

Children are wonderful at adapting.

pita-woman said...

Hope you feel better soon.

If there's a bright side to this (and I don't know if illness can ever have a bright side), at least it's not a contagious illness that you wouldn't want him to snuggy with you and risk catching. I'm sure the snuggies help immensely.

fakefrenchie said...

Hope you feel better soon.

Suzanne Perazzini said...

What a shame you have to go through this, but at least you have your own in-built cooler. I could just feel those cool hands on my forehead - lovely. Not sure about the icicles on my belly though. Take care, Erica.

Robin said...

So sorry, Erica. That sucks the big one. If there's anything I could do to help, I freely offer it. We have plenty of room, even for a DB, and we're near Univ of PA hosp and believe it of not, Reading Hospital is first rate (it helps to have friends that are GI guys). Maybe a second opinion? Adam has Ulcerative Colitis, and does great of a med regimen. I don't know, but I'm a helper bunny, and if you need anything, let me know.
The docs in my town don't realize what a little goober I am. They acutally respect me. Boy. Talk about poor judgement.

Aimless Writer said...

"you are my hotness" What a great phrase of innocence.
I get fevers too but mine come from Pernicious Anemia (also autoimmune issue-goes along with Celiac Disease) so I know how they can drain you.
Sending prayers and healing energy down to you. Feel better soon.

Erica Orloff said...

Hi All:
Thanks. The culprit was auto-immune. Turns out I was killing my thyroid. On meds for about three weeks, only one fever this week.

:-)
E
P.S. But I'm still hotness. ;-)

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