Friday, August 29, 2008

All Things Are Better Naked

The impasse between Management and Demon Baby continues.

As I write, he is, of course, stark naked. When I ask him if he is EVER going to put on clothes, he tells me no. Not maybe. Not someday. NO.

"Life is better naked."

For the record, these are the things he appears to think are better naked:

eating macaroni
playing with the dogs
going out to the mailbox to check for mail
talking on the phone with Grandma
waving to the mailman
answering the door for the Pizza Hut man
greeting his babysitter yesterday

As you can imagine, I pay my babysitters REALLY well ($50 for four hours of work plus takeout). Just as I pay my weekly housekeeper above the going rate so she doesn't quit in despair.

Babysitter arrived. Naked Demon Baby greeted him. For the record, the babysitter arrived early. I had scheduled a 20-minute "wrestle some clothes on Demon Baby" session so the babysitter wouldn't think I was clinically insane allowing my child to be nude all the time. But with babysitter's early arrival, he (guy babysitter) was greeted by full frontal.

"Sorry," I apologized.

I was able to convince Demon Baby that he and babysitter would have LOADS more fun if Demon Baby at least wore dinosaur underpants.


"'Cause it's like a secret club. All the guys wear dinosaur underwear. They just don't advertise it like you do. But trust me on this one."

So I got him in underwear.

He fell asleep on the couch at 8:00 just as I got home. I put him to bed. The minute his head hit the pillow--IN HIS SLEEP--he kicked his legs and removed his underwear, rolled over and went on to Naked Dreams.

Management is close to giving up.

But I bet you all are jealous about the dinosaur underwear.


Suzanne Perazzini said...

You have the mother manipulation thing down to a fine art. Dinosaur underpants indeed!
I'm just waiting for winter to set in and to see how long his conviction lasts.

Robin said...

It's weird. It's like Demon Baby is influencing me from afar. Now I want to do everything naked. And I would, too, if it wouldn't make everyone throw up.

conley730 said...

My guys love to be naked too. Especially Twin B. And Twin B LOVES his dinosaur underwear LOL! He even wears them backward b/c he wants to see the dinosaur when he looks down instead of trying to crane his head around to see it in the back! We've been on many walks with the dog in various states of undress. They either have to have pants or a shirt and underwear on. Complete nudity is for inside only!

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Suzanne:
I need all the manipulation I can muster to fight the Demon. :-)

Erica Orloff said...

LOL! Yes . . . he's starting a national trend,

Erica Orloff said...

That's hysterical about him wearing the dinosaur up front.

laughingwolf said...

yupper! jealous as all get out! :O lol

Erica Orloff said...

laughing wolf:

I just need to find an investor with deep pockets--and then I will start a dinosaur and superhero underwear line for grown men!

laughingwolf said...

thank you, i see a lineup awreddy! ;)

Melanie Avila said...

I can see how your creativity helps in these situations. And I think the trend has gone international... ;)

Erica Orloff said...

LOL! Yes, traveling worldwide now.