Saturday, November 8, 2008

Naked Strike, The Winter Months

For anyone keeping count, Demon Baby hasn't worn clothes indoors since sometime in July. Not a stitch. Not at bedtime. Not at breakfast. Not when company comes. Leaving the house involves setting at least a half hour for wrestling him into clothes, and he doesn't leave them on when he gets home.

As the Demon Madonna, I tried to take a laissez-faire approach to his nakedness. After all, I reasoned, soon enough it would be winter. It would be cold . . . and clothes would win out as the rational approach. He would see "the light."

As weeks turned to months, as the leaves turned colors, he has shown no sign of relenting in his quest for 24/7 nakedness. I have tried lowering the A/C to 65 to "freeze him out." I have tried opening the windows when it is 32 degrees out.

None of these approaches have worked. His reaction to Operation Freeze is to go find something to wrap himself in, and to walk around naked, but bundled up. One might think he would choose baby blankets or quilts to wrap himself in. But that is the choice for ordinary mortals. This morning, I found him wearing my sweatpants as a cape.

I find myself, often, puzzling what will this little Demon become. His worldview is so unusual. As my mother puts it, based on the movie and book of the same name, he is my "Martian Child." His new favorite activity is to climb in the bathtub. naked, with no water in it, and play with shaving cream. He likes to "wear" a layer of shaving cream, which maybe to him feels like clothes. I don't know.

I do know this . . . Freeze-Out methods have failed. Talks with Management have completely broken down. I am trying to break the Naked Union, but . . . to no avail.

I need to get more creative.

In the meantime, here it is close to Thanksgiving, and my house is colder than an icebox. He's naked. I'M suffering. My lips are blue.

Naked Strike, The Winter Months.

If I was a playwright, instead of a novelist, I would call it The Naked Monologues.

17 comments:

spyscribbler said...

LOL! I had no idea it was STILL going on! You must be freezing! I'm fascinated to see who Demon Baby will be in twenty years.

I have to admit I actually do a fair amount of sitting in the bathtub, naked, with no water. And walking around naked when DH is gone.

Clothes are such a bother, such an irritant. I'm all for blankets, though! (Which are warmer if you're naked underneath them.)

spyscribbler said...

(In my defense, there is nowhere to sit in my house except the piano bench, my office chair, my bathtub, or my bed. It's all the studio!)

Erica Orloff said...

spy:
I wander naked, too. But Demon Baby takes it to an extreme. When we visited my father, I at least got him to wear underwear.

E

Suzanne Perazzini said...

Having read Spy's comment, we can conclude that Demon Baby is not so strange after all. There's a lot of naked, bath-sitting going on. I'm suddenly feeling very sheltered from all sorts of possibilities.
Close those windows and send him over to Spy's house. Kindred spirits, you know...

Erica Orloff said...

suzanne:
I feel Demon Baby will find all sorts of kindred spirits along the way.
E

Robin said...

He's so funny and creative! Maybe he'll be a comedian, or a writer like his mom. Or he could use his gorgeous looks, combined with creativity and be an actor. It's fun to conjecture. It'll be even more fun to watch!

Your word verification today is "hospeack". I don't think that is a good sign. It might be where you'll be talking if you don't get warm soon!

Erica Orloff said...

robin:
His new thing is he wants to be age one again. I keep telling him it's not possible to move backwards, and he keeps telling me I am a big, fat liar. I have no idea what he will become. His father plans to buy him boxing gloves and a punching bag for Christmas in the hopes to channel his aggression. There is a long history of Mexican-American boxers, but I look at his face and think, "Nooooooooooooo." But I would like him to get into the martial arts. Then again, he could learn how to kill me with one pressure point punch, and then that will be it.
E

Zoe Winters said...

hehe, maybe he knows you're trying to freeze him out and you should just totally ignore all nudity. hehe.

And I loved both the book and the movie, "The Martian Child."

Demon Baby is like a Superfudge/Martian Child hybrid.

Zoe Winters said...

also, on this naked bathtub issue, I only do this with hot water in it. I'll soak for an hour and read. This is what I do in the winter, when I can't lay out in the sun.

Erica Orloff said...

Zoe:
He's been naked since July. I thought it was a phase and paid no attention. Now it's just how he goes through life. I wouldn't mind it if he now didn't consider clothes an affront. If you have ever seen an exorcism, then that is Demon Baby's reaction to my approaching him with underpants and a shirt. It's total demon possession. Clothes are his holy water.
E

Zoe Winters said...

hahaha.

Well have you tried the: "Well it's soft cotton" approach?

Or have you tried crying?

Erica Orloff said...

zoe:
Soft cotton. No tags inside. "Just please wear underpants and a T-shirt." I've tried it all. "I'll let you eat marchmellows for breakfast" (his favorite food).

In fact, yes, I have tried crying. LOL!
E

Zoe Winters said...

hehe, well, he's evil. What do you expect? :P

Melanie Avila said...

I've wondered if this was still going on. I can't imagine what you must go through.

Like Spy, I spend a lot of time naked, but I think a lot of that has to do with how hot it is. I was naked a lot in Chicago too, but that required lots of heat and blankets. Now it's just common sense.

We had a small earthquake in the middle of the night a couple weeks ago - my biggest fear because I'm NAKED. Ibis just patted my belly and shushed me. :)

Erica Orloff said...

Melanie:
No . . . the cold hasn't deterred him.
LOL!

laughingwolf said...

ok... i KNOW i posted here, yesterday :(

Cheryl Kauffman said...

My daughter went through this for a while when she was little, and she was eventually diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. She went through a year of occupational therapy, which greatly improved her sensitivity to touch. This may have nothing to do with your son, but I thought it was worth mentioning.