Friday, October 23, 2009

Because I Can't Make This Stuff Up

I may be a novelist, but there is no way I can make this stuff up. The following is a true story. Every word of it.

***************

"Demon Baby . . . where are your pants?"

"I had to take them off."

"I doubt that. Go find your pants."

"No, I really had to take them off."

"Why?"

"They were scorched."

[Aside: as the mother of a Demon Baby, "scorched" is most definitely NOT a word I want to hear.]

"What do you MEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN scorched?"

"The fireplace is on."

"Please tell me you did not put your pants in the fireplace."

"No. I put my butt up to the fireplace."

"Why would you do that?"

In walks older sister, age 11.

"What happened?" I asked.

"He put his butt up to the fireplace glass."

"WHY? Can someone in this house tell me what is going on?"

"It's her fault my pants are scorched," said Demon Baby.

"Her fault?"

"Yeah. She told me our fireplace works on gas."

Older sister crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. "He was trying to fart into the fireplace to make the flames go higher."

*******************

Yeah. I know.

16 comments:

Richmond Writer said...

OMG I so laughed. Oh, that is funny and just like my family.

I have a birthday card for my father it's one of the far-side comics. The man's birthday cake has a hundred candles on it and everything is burned black. "Do not feed elephant beans before you light candles." The elephant is backed up to the man and the cake.

Melanie Avila said...

ROFLMAO!! I did not see that ending coming!

I guess the fireplace didn't either.

Nadine said...

OMG!! This cracked me up!! Thanks for putting a smile on my face!

Suzanne Perazzini said...

Very amusing and so like a young lad with basic functions on his mind.

Natasha Fondren said...

Hah! I am very impressed that he can fart upon command. Wish I could do that. I'd get back at my hubby!

Robin said...

I think that could work. I'm going to try it tomorrow. I'll get back to DB with the results.

Cheryl Kauffman said...

Oh, I love a good fart story. Thanks for the laugh.

Erica Orloff said...

Richmond:
I love the Far Side!!
E

Erica Orloff said...

Melanie:
Trust me . . . when he said he had "scorched" pants, I did not see the ending coming either!

Erica Orloff said...

Nadine:
Glad to oblige.

Suzanne:
Yes, very much a guy thing.

Erica Orloff said...

Natasha:
He has had that skill for quite some time now!!

Erica Orloff said...

Robin:
You let us know.

:-)

Erica Orloff said...

Cheryl:
LOL! Happy the insanity around here serves to amuse. :-)

pita-woman said...

Thanks! I needed that laugh today.
Just wait 'til he actually tries lighting his own farts with a lighter... I can hardly wait to read that blog!!

Erica Orloff said...

Pita:
Yeah . . . that thought crossed my mind. Now we just have to see when it crosses HIS mind.

Richmond Writer said...

Erica,

I don't know if this will come up as a link but Demon Baby would love the Ninja Video. It's a good one and clean.

http://betweenfactandfiction.blogspot.com/2009/10/tips-for-first-drafting.html