Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Demon Baby has a new phase. Two of them. First, he's got a case of the "why's."

"What are you doing, Mom?"
"Writing."
"Why?"
"Because that's what I do." (I contemplated getting all existential on him, but . . . )
"Why?"
"Because I have to earn a living."
"Why?"
"Because that's how I buy things, like food, our house . . ."
"Why?"
"Because we live in a capitalist culture."
"Why?"

You get the idea.

But he's also, being a Demon, in this phase where ANYTHING he doesn't like, he says will "die." The word is meaningless to him. I think he picked it up from his siblings. "Oh, I was so embarrassed. I almost died." You know, an expression.

So . . . conversations go like this.

"Eat some broccoli."
"I HATE broccoli."
"Eat some anyway."
"NO! Broccoli will DIE!"

We ignore him. He curses the dogs, me, his siblings, wearing diapers, bedtime, to death.

"I don't want to go to bed. I HATE SLEEP! SLEEP WILL DIE!"
"You're going."
"YOU WILL DIE, MOM!"

In the confines of our won home, we know it's a phase.

This was all well and good until we went to church on Sunday. We climbed out of the car. And then, in the loudest voice possible, he yelled, "I HATE CHURCH. I HATE JESUS. JESUS WILL DIE!!!!"

There are times, lately, when I wonder if I should even leave the house.

8 comments:

spyscribbler said...

Hah! Doesn't that just figure?

I did need that laugh! Thanks!

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Spy:

Not laughing will DIE!

E

J.K. Mahal said...

Can't help it. Had to laugh. Oh sweet baby jesus, that Demon Baby of yours is a hoot (when he's not being the devil incarnate).

Heather Harper said...

If you can take your demon baby to church, I guess I should take my three kids with out-of-sync bladders to Mass. I gave up after not being able to make it through an hour without no less than three trips to the bathroom.

The bathroom will DIE. I like that. ;)

Erica Orloff said...

J.K.:

Sometimes, when he's sleeping, he ALMOST looks angelic.

:-)
E

Erica Orloff said...

Heather:
Glad my little Demon inspires you to get yours and their bladders in the pew. ;-)
E

Aimless Writer said...

lol, thats hysterical!
I'll bet he was the talk of the dinner table all over town that Sunday. "Hey, you'll never guess what this little kid said at church..."
When my youngest was young she always asked why...eventually I had to ask her, "Why ask why?"
With my first child we didn't venture out in public until she was five. Even then, it could be a challenge. She had lungs like a sonic boom. Today she has a degree in pychology. Go figure.

Erica Orloff said...

aimless:
Thanks for that. Right now, with him age 2, I am thinking he will grow up to be a criminal mastermind and it scares me. :-) I guess there's hope.

Thanks for visiting this blog!
E