Friday, February 22, 2008

Battle of the Sexes

I grew up with two sisters. No brothers. BOYS are a mystery to me.

Here, in no particular order, are the things I have learned as mother of a MALE Demon Baby:

  • The penis is an effective and hilarious weapon/sword.
  • Farting is the funniest thing ever. It was INVENTED for Demon Babies to use as a weapon of smelly destruction.
  • Army men, pretend guns and swords, and any and all weapons . . . are far more fascinating than a mother babbling on about being a peacemaker.
  • Burping on command is an art form.
  • The word "sh*t," when said loudly and in the vicinity of very old women and churchgoing families is high amusing.
  • When all else fails, scream louder.
  • Peeing on things is akin to an art form.
  • Nudity is funny. Particularly during dinner parties.
  • Climbing out of the crib is like Demon Baby Bungee Jumping.
  • Drawing with markers on the carpet makes Jackson Pollack look like a talentless hack.

I could go on. But you get the idea.

They really are a different species.


Trée said...

I think you know those aliens better than you think. :-D

Erica Orloff said...

Oh. I know them. Believe me. Every man I have ever known thinks penises are hysterical. Otherwise there wouldn't be the Penis Puppetry theatre group. ;-)


conley730 said...

I'm with you on the nudity and permanent marker on the floor. I grew up as an only child and now have 2 boys. It's a new adventure every day. The other day my guys were putting mega blocks on their penises and building them out as far as they could. Why do I never have the camera handy for moments like this?!?

Erica Orloff said...

It is amazing what the penis inspires in a two year old boy. LOL!

What amazes me is how VIOLENT he likes being--this from a kid growing up in a mellow home with no violence on TV, no guns, a healthy dose of religion/sprituality. He's hardwired to DESTROY on sight!