Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Naked Rock Climbing


This Demon Baby . . . when I think he can deliver "shock and awe" no more . . . defies all expectations.

The scene: My downstairs bathroom. It is a half-bath. Hardwood floors. Marble sink. Toilet. Toilet paper holder. Framed art on the walls (photos of Buddha statues taken by Demon's father).

Demon, now potty trained, has been in the bathroom a little bit TOO long. As in . . . mischief must be afoot.

I try the door.

It is locked.

"Let me in, Demon Baby."


"Are you OK?"

"Go away."

I pick the lock. (A skill I have become quite good at with him being a master of locking himself in rooms the better to wreak havoc.)

And there is Demon Baby. Stark naked.

He has REMOVED the toilet paper and the little spring insert that fits inside the roll. Thus leaving two roll holders projecting out horizontally from the wall.

And Demon Baby has used his potty chair to CLIMB like a ROCK CLIMBER on top of the roll holders . . butt out (naked, so picture this), face pressed against the wall, one foot on each holder, hands reaching for a his next rock-climbing hold--MY ARTWORK!

Yes, my son was "rock-climbing" up the bathroom wall. Naked.

I am telling you, I may be a novelist, but I could not make this sh*t up.


Aimless Writer said...

I hope you had a camera. A photo like this could be bribery when he's like 16 or 17....

The Anti-Wife said...

Are you sure he's only two?

Erica Orloff said...

I swear I wish I had a camera for this and the syrup tales (THEY were astounding episodes!). But I am usually so panicked about him falling and getting hurt that I don't think of it until later!

Erica Orloff said...

Yes, it IS rather frightening what this may portend when he is older, isn't it?

Clever rascal.

conley730 said...
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conley730 said...

I am laughing so hard. I have 3 1/2 year old twins and this sounds right up their alley. In fact, I'm now thinking about putting a pad lock on my downstairs half bath after reading this entry!

Aimless, I never seem to have the camera at the ready when I need it either. I'll just have to remember the stories even without the pics!

conley730 said...
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Erica Orloff said...

Padlocks are advisable!


Aimless Writer said...

Not having a camera at those critical moments made me start sketching cartoons of these episodes and putting them in their baby books. Not the same thing but still keeps the memories.
I think this blog is a wonderful idea for tracking Baby Demon's life.

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Aimless:
That's pretty much why I started it. I just knew there was no way I could do his babyhood justice, in all its demonic glory, unless I wrote it out as it unfolded.

Today? He fed the dogs and ENTIRE huge bowl of cabbage (a slaw recipe of my grandmothers--cabbage, vinegar, carrots, onions, etc.), AND Corn Pops (cereal). Hence all three dogs are OUT IN THE YARD all day and I don't care how cold it gets. Dogs + cabbage = diarrhea on the rugs.

I cannot even imagine when it hits their colons. And Demon? "THEY LOVE IT, MOM!"

"What?" (As I was trying to shower . . . through the shower stall door)

"CABBAGE!! The dogs L-L-L-O-O-O-O-V-E IT!!!!'

conley730 said...

OMG!!! I don't think our kids should EVER meet. I can just imagine the trouble 3 of them could make.

Erica Orloff said...

Most definitely NO. LOL!!!!!!!!!