Tuesday, March 18, 2008


These are questions I ask as the mother of a Demon Baby:

  1. Why is our dog dumb enough to eat anything Demon Baby feeds him? I can understand chocolates, M&Ms, and cheese. But Zip-loc bags? Socks?
  2. What is Demon Baby's fascination with water? Not just the bathtub, but the toilet, mud puddles, and the dog's water dish?
  3. Why does he innately seem to know when someone is going to ring the doorbell and choose THAT time to strip naked so he's ready to answer the door that way, making me seem, for the thousandth time, like a really bad mother?
  4. Why do things that most humans seem to understand are food stuff . . . appeal to HIM as hair gel? That includes butter and pancake batter.
  5. Why is everything fair game as a hand grenade? Whether that be apples, stray golf balls he's found in the yard, or . . . my best Christmas ornaments?

These are the questions a Demon Baby's mother asks. Each day. Sometimes several times a day.


conley730 said...

My kids seem to think yogurt is something they should use for a facial instead of eating! They also like to run around naked as much as possible. Poor dog! Maybe he'll eventually figure out the difference between food and not food.

Erica Orloff said...

One can hope, but this hair gel "phase" is driving me nuts.


Suzanne Perazzini said...

My son used to climb to the top of anything that stood in his path or not. Wardrobes, ladders... I still remember him at the top of the ladder at roof level when he was two. I sweet talked him back down. He has no fear.

Erica Orloff said...

And he still sounds like an awesome self-assured kid, so I'm hoping!

Aimless Writer said...

Can I add one???
Why does he know those exact two minutes when you turn away so he can get at the ice cream and sprinkles?

My daughter went through a haircut phase. No matter what, she'd find sissors and give something a haircut, the dog, cat, plants, every doll, stuffed animal, etc. It didn't matter where I hid the sissors-she found them.

Erica Orloff said...

Oh, Aimless! Here's the thing. I KNOW that's coming. I know it. haircuts are a natural progression from pancake syrup as hair gel,


conley730 said...

Ahh...the haircuts! A few weeks ago, Twin B gave a haircut to a stuffed animal and Twin A. Some of it was cut pretty close to the scalp too. I could have throttled both of them. Twin B couldn't tell me why he did it, and Twin A couldn't tell me why he let Twin B do it!

The Anti-Wife said...

Beware of the scissors. I always had really short hair as a kid because every time I found a pair of non-kid friendly scissors, I cut the sides of my hair to the scalp. I ruined many holiday pictures with my self-styled hair.