Saturday, March 8, 2008

This Can Only Lead to Trouble

Oldest Boy has a python. We got Lydia the python when she was as thin as a pencil. Now, she is as thick as my arm, and maybe three feet long. She is a ball python--considered a good "first snake." Docile. Nonvenomous. Lydia came into this house largely because Oldest Boy never, ever asks for anything, unlike my girls who are both clothes horses and have very expensive taste. Oldest Boy is the quiet one, the one who is always helpful and cheerful. And he really, really wanted a snake. And, unfortunately, I could talk him into getting a tortoise instead. He's had her for three years, and in that time has proven himself to be a great pet-owner.

I, however, HATE Lydia. I hate her with a totally freaked-out, can't stand the sight of her, won't touch her neurosis. I hate her. If she pokes her head out of her rock cave when I am putting Oldest Boy's laundry in his drawers, I think she wants to eat me.

DEMON BABY . . . as anyone who reads this blog would expect, LOVES Lydia. And his new obsession is taking her out and "petting" her. The only thing stopping him (for the moment) is Lydia is kept on a high shelf, and there are two locks that fit onto the lid of her tank. But, if you read this blog, then you also know . . . it's just a matter of time, my friends.

Now let me explain further . . . .

Ball pythons are notorious hiders. They can go slither behind a bookshelf and disappear for months on end until they get VERY hungry. So if Lydia were to be "freed" by one Demon Baby . . . it's possible I would have to sell my house and move.


Aimless Writer said...

Scary thoughts.

spyscribbler said...

Dear God, I am terrified just reading about it, terrified. It can't choke someone to death, can it? With Demon Baby, it's a certainty. Can you padlock OB's room when he's gone?

Erica Orloff said...

Scary indeed.

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Spy:
No. Those are Burmese pythons, like you see on TV in some "Animals Gone Wild" show. These are actually considered docile and they are MUCH smaller. So no . . . not even little Demon Baby. Mice, yes. A medium-sized rat . . . maybe. That's about it. NOT that I want Demon to experiment and find out. The bigger danger is really it getting loose in the house. Honest.

david santos said...

Hello, Erika!
Thanks for your postinga and have a good day.

Michele said...

Oh, good grief. You've freaked me out and I've read about Lydia on your other blog! ::shudder::

Our teenager has a juvenile Bearded Dragon, which I was opposed to getting, but now I think he/she (we won't know for a while the gender) is kinda cute. It actually has a bit of personality and loves attention.

And it's an omnivore, so veggies, fruit, and/or crickets.

Erica Orloff said...

Thanks, David!

Erica Orloff said...

I would be SO much happier with one of those!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've even offered to let him give away Lydia and get him one. I think he actually wouldn't mind--but my Significant Other insists we keep Lydia. HE likes her. Which I cannot understand. At all.


The Anti-Wife said...

I HATE snakes. Even the thought of having one in my house freaks me out. You are a saint for allowing it in the house in the first place.

Erica Orloff said...

Well, like I wrote . . . if it was another of me kids, probably not. But Oldest Boy, in a house full of noise and volatile females at certain times of the month . . . never asks for anything. But believe me, I am NOT happy.