Sunday, January 18, 2009

Birds and the Bees

I've had four children, and my approach to S-E-X has been to be very upfront. There are no fancy names for body parts in my house. From age two on, a penis is a penis, and so on.

So today, I had a baby shower for a friend of mine's daughter. I told Demon Baby that I was having a baby shower because my friend was going to be a grandma, and we were going to give her daughter presents so that when the baby came, she would have nice, new things for her little girl.

Demon Baby lurked on the staircase, occasionally sneaking a peek at the big belly on the Mom-to-Be. She got lovely gifts, we cleaned up, everyone went home.

He apparently decided he'd worn enough clothes for the day, because he came in to my office stark naked and said, "So what happened?"

"What do you mean what happened? You were here all day."

"No. What happened? That lady with the HUMONGASAUROUS belly--I thought she was going to have her baby here today."

"Um . . . no. The baby has to grow a little more and then she will have it in the hospital." Of course, I was quite grateful that in addition to serving cake and punch, I didn't have to deliver a baby today.

"Well, that stinks. I wanted to see her pop it out. THAT would be totally cool."

"Sorry. I'll keep that in mind next time I decide to throw a baby shower."

He walked away, shoulders hunched, quite disappointed. "Well, crap. THAT was no fun."


Robin said...

He's right. That would have been totally cool. Perhaps he could have his next birthday party on the maternity ward of the local hospital.

spyscribbler said...

Oh! The babies! Awww. I can't handle it. This is the third time I've burst into tears today!

Erica Orloff said...

I know. A live birth would have made it particularly memorable.

Erica Orloff said...

Well, tell DH to get home and get busy.


Jude Hardin said...

I've witnessed three live births (the birth of my son, along with two others as a nursing student) and each one brought tears to my eyes.

I'm not sure how cool DB would really think it is, though. Maybe he should wait a few (or twenty) years. :)

Melanie Avila said...

That reminds me of my cousin who had her baby seven weeks early - he was very healthy and didn't have to stay in the hospital, so he came to the shower. That made it more fun. :)

Erica Orloff said...

I am sure he would think it was akin to alien or something.

Erica Orloff said...

All mine have arrived a tad late, so . . . none were unexpected shower guests. ;-)

Suzanne Perazzini said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suzanne Perazzini said...

Yes, definitely very pragmatic and down to earth.

Aimless Writer said...

hahahahaha... I love this kid!
Perhaps he'll be a doctor some day.

laughingwolf said...

no fun is right, and gaggle of hens and nothing for a guy to see/do! :O lol

Travis Erwin said...

Tell Demon Baby that I feel exactly the same way about baby or wedding showers.

Erica Orloff said...

Laughing Wolf:
Are you married? I will have to tell your wife the "gaggle of hens" comment. ;-)

Erica Orloff said...

I don't know if a dotor shouting, "This is craptastic" is what a patient needs.

zoewinters said...

bwahahahaha. OMG this cracks me up! That he was hoping she'd pop it out right there. hahahahahahahaha. OMG hahaha.