Saturday, January 3, 2009

He Doesn't Get the Danger Thing

Okay, so Demon Baby, after being told Ninjas take ritualistic cleansing baths in January as a matter of greeting the New Year (and really, these Ninja myths I am making up are quite complex), agreed to a bath as long as he could squirt a tube of toothpaste in the water AND as long as no hairwashing was involved. We negotiated these finer points, and so a bath was drawn. He takes an ice cold bath, no hot water, again . . . must be a Ninja thing.

So I was doing laundry, bathroom door open, within earshot, and he screamed for me.

"MAMA!"

"Yes, Demon Baby."

"Can I drown in the bathtub?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Well, technically, you could, but you're now 3 1/2 and the water isn't that high and you're fine. I'm right outside the door."

"OK."

He set about "experimenting" with his bath chemistry. This means he takes shaving cream, soap, shampoo, bubbles and toothpaste and makes "potions."

"Can I have another tube of blue toothpaste?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because toothpaste is expensive and most people really don't BATHE with their toothpaste. You can use a little, but not whole tubes."

"OK."

I returned to my Mt. Everest of laundry and then heard him shrieking, "MAMA!!!!"

I ran into the bathroom to find he had climbed, NAKED AND SLIPPERY on top of the MARBLE VANITY (can I add SLIPPERY?) where he was clinging to the mirror in an attempt to reach said toothpaste.

After rescuing him, scolding, tears, towels, and my slight heart attack . . . I was reminded for the thousandth time why I have not slept more than in fits and starts since he could start walking.

15 comments:

spyscribbler said...

LOL, awww! Okay, now I'm totally waiting for your Ninja book to come out. ;-)

Robin said...

I need a Valium after reading that. Yikes!

Aimless Writer said...

Awwww, I feel your pain. DD#2 was a handful. I had poison control on the speed dial.
I think you're earning your place in heaven.
And someday you'll see Demon with his own little Demons and smile as it all comes full circle. lol
I often tell my dd's that I'm wishing they'll have 10 kids just like them! lol

Erica Orloff said...

Spy:
I honestly think I may write a Ninja Guide to Parenting.
E

Erica Orloff said...

Robin:
There have been moments when I can see why someone would like a valium now and again. :-)
E

Erica Orloff said...

Aimless:
Here's the thing . . . my mom has been living with me for the past two months . . . and my other kids keep saying, "Grandma, Demon Baby must be payback for mom being a really naughty kid, huh?" And she shakes her head. I really NEVER was a naughty kid. So I don't know if that whole karmic cycle works. ;-)
E

Natasha said...

PS: I totally stole your idea: we are now doing 15 weeks of Ninja Warrior Training. Whatever works!

Thanks, LOL!

Natasha said...

PS: That's me, Spy. Too lazy to switch accounts at the moment.

Lauren said...

Haha...I always love reading your stories about Demon Baby :) Always makes me smile!

Melanie Avila said...

You definitely need to write the Ninja Guide to Parenting. :)

Erica Orloff said...

Thanks, Lauren!

My gray hairs attest that life with him is interesting. :-)
E

Erica Orloff said...

Melanie:
The thing with Demon Baby is he's definitely a book. I just have to figure out how to approach it. :-)
E

laughingwolf said...

hahahaha... i'm with spy, look forward to THAT book :D

pita-woman said...

Just discovered your blog today, due to the habitatfortravis blog... I have literally gone back and read every single thing you've written over the past 2 years on demonbaby, and laughed out loud so many times. Can't tell you how many tissues I've gone through this morning, dabbing tears from my eyes. You're definitely going on my blog-follow list!

Erica Orloff said...

pita-woman:
That is really very, very sweet to hear. I have a number of people email me offline to say this blog makes them laugh, which is a very nice for me to think about.
E