Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Cooking for a Demon

Foods Demon Baby considers breakfast:

  • noodles with butter
  • peanut butter sandwich with crusts cut off
  • pizza

Foods Demon Baby considers lunch:

  • peanut butter sandwich with crusts cut off
  • Mexican take-out
  • fried ice cream (see item directly above)
  • maraschino cherries in bulk

Foods Demon Baby considers dinner:
  • popcorn
  • maple oatmeal
  • rasberry sherbert
  • noodles with butter and salt
  • corn on the cob

Foods Demon Baby considers snack foods:

  • salt--given access to a salt shaker (I have to hide it), he will lie naked on the couch, pour it into his belly button and eat it from there
  • ice pops
  • maple oatmeal
  • maraschino cherries in bulk
  • Life cereal

Foods Demon Baby considers Ninja Mama's attempts to posion him:

  • ANYTHING with black pepper on it or a hint of spice
  • ANYTHING green
  • ANY foods TOUCHING in ANY WAY ANY OTHER food; he believes in strict food segregation
  • ANYTHING too hot or too cold
  • Cheese
  • Apples with SKIN on them
  • Any dairy products except Yoplait yogurt (clearly, they have some Demonic Pact with the Devil)
  • ANYTHING in an incorrect colored plastic cup (blue only, please)

Anything not directly accounted for here is part of a Marxist plot to dethrone him as king of the demons. He has professional taste testers (siblings) to verify he is not being poisoned.


spyscribbler said...

LOL! Demon Baby is the cutest!! Maple oatmeal is a staple for me, as well as noodles with butter and salt.

I really like plain food. Lately, I've been eating brown rice incessantly, with umi vinegar.

And boy, do I go through those maraschino cherries. Food of the gods. I also LOVE olives, but I bet he's not too keen on them!

Erica Orloff said...

No can do on the olives. But it amuses me to no end you both eat the same foods.

Jude Hardin said...

Sounds like he's pretty much a vegetarian. It's not a bad diet, really, if you could somehow manage to sneak some broccoli in there somewhere. ;)

Lauren said...

Demon Baby is awesome.

I agree with the peanut butter sandwich for breakfast sans crust, and honestly, it's very healthy. Good protein and good carbs--and there is something wrong with crusts...surely others besides Demon Baby and I feel it. I still feed my crusts to the dog. :)

Erica Orloff said...

Well, I'm a vegetarian since I have developed this anaphylactic shock reaction to tuna :-(

So I make a lot of noodles with veggies--and he eats it without the veggies.

Erica Orloff said...

The birds get his crusts. :-) Nothing goes to waste.

Aimless Writer said...

I have a lot of the same food habits so I can't laugh. Especially the peanut butter part.

Erica Orloff said...

At least he is in good company.

Robin said...

Maybe Demon Baby is secretly very gentle, but he's been poisoned by maraschino cherries. I'm calling CSI Miami. We'll be there shortly.

laughingwolf said...

ok, i'll bite: how does one have mexican takeout WITHOUT spices?

Erica Orloff said...


That's it, of course.

Erica Orloff said...

Laughing Wolf:
Demon Baby's father is Mexican. There is apparently some kind of logic that goes with his genetic background and Mexican food that allows him to eat it. I gave up trying to figure it out.

pita-woman said...

Pizza for breakfast... my kind of kid!!
I've never understood people (kids or adults) wanting the crust cut off their sandwiches. I love the crust!!
As for eating salt out of his navel... that one pretty much leaves me scratching my head!

Erica Orloff said...

pita woman:
Naked belly button salt eating is a sight, is all I can say.

Anonymous said...

LMAO @ the foods touching other foods thing.

And I'm totally with him on the apples with the peeling on thing. Gross. I mean I understand it has all the vitamins and pectin and blah blah blah, but, I do not care. I HATE the texture of the peelings.

And I like to dip my apples in peanut butter.