Wednesday, February 4, 2009

10 Random Thoughts of Demon Baby's Mother

These are my thoughts today. The quiet tape running through my mind. The photo is from this weekend.

Random Thought #1: I realize my older kids have projects requiring markers. But really . . . would it have been so awful for them to have used crayons?

Random Thought #2: Do I need to purchase a SAFE for markers?

Random Thought #3: If I write the Eureka vacuum company my funny story about my oldest son vacuuming up 5,000 cheese balls with their vacuum cleaner and offer to let them use it for a commercial, will they pay me an endorsement fee? Or at least give me a new vacuum?

Random Thought #4: Four words: What Would Erma Do?

Random Thought #5: It say's washable markers. But no. Not really. Maybe if I washed him with Oxy-Clean?

Random Thought #6: Forget my Four Words. She never dealt with this. God rest her soul.

Random Thought #7: I have THE plan to stop teen pregnancy. Forget abstinence education. No, really. Forget it. Instead, require all teen couples to spend one entire weekend taking care of Demon Baby. All thoughts of S-E-X- will immediately and permanently vanish.

Random Thought #8: My parents tell me I was an obedient, lovely child. Everyone who seems to think this is karmic payback . . . sorry. Apparently this is just the universe playing a big, HILARIOUS joke on me.

Random Thought #9: I have a babysitter coming on Saturday. I pray he doesn't read this blog.

Random Thought #10: I really love my Demon Baby. A lot.


spyscribbler said...

Hey, you're a writer, a good one at that! Maybe the person reading it would laugh and send you a coupon. Add a picture of his charming face, and I bet you'll have a winner!

I was going through some pictures the other day and found proof of my sympathies for Demon Baby. I'll send it later, LOL!

Erica Orloff said...

M-U-S-T S-E-E-!!!

I have yet another vacuum post tomorrow . . .

And you know, when I look at his face covered with markers here . . . doesn't he look completely calm--not devilish. Almost . . . serious.

I just love him bunches. I really and totally do.

And readers can think I am crazy, but I just have no desire to squash his devilishness. I just would prefer he CHANNEL it.

Has had, however, informed me, as I suspected, that when he grows up, he's starting a "band." A headbanging rock band. He ants to play guitar. So I plan to immediately run out and get him a little one.


pita-woman said...

I would send letters not only to the Eureka people, but the washable-marker people, the Oxy-clean people, and especially Billy Mays himself asking him to "clean this!", along with that photo.
You might get all kinds of endorsements and free stuff.

Jude Hardin said...

You know, he is starting to look a little like Damien in those Omen movies...


Erica Orloff said...

Billy Mays has been the subject of this blog more than once. I have actually tried to track down who represents him to send one of my blogs to . . . to no avail. So if anyone knows Billy!!!

Erica Orloff said...

Shame on you!

The Anti-Wife said...

He's very fortunate to have you as his mother.

Erica Orloff said...

Well, most days I feel fairly inadequate. I wish I could "only" be a mom somedays, instead of a writer/mom. And that "only" isn't meant to denigrate stay-at-home Moms. My admiration for them is immense. It's jst that most days I am juggling so much and feeling he is not getting the amount of attention I very much wish I could give him.


Aimless Writer said...

OMG...thats all I can say while I laugh hysterically.
Sorry but he's soooo cute!

Lauren said...

When we were in high school we used to joke that baby-sitting was our parent's way of reminding us why abstinence was a good idea.

Demon is so cute.

I guess that I was a Demon myself. I was telling my mom some of these stories and she was like "yeah, you did that." lol

Erica Orloff said...

I know. WAIT until you see the picture I took five minutes ago.


Erica Orloff said...

See, YOU getting a Demon Baby would be karmic payback. ME getting him is just the universe being obnoxious,

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha. Okay, so magic markers are like Ninja Mom kryptonite, right?

Also, I would TOTALLY do number 3. And play the: "I'm a published author" card, maybe that will help.

Then you can figure out how to tie the whole thing into a bigger marketing push for "Freudian Slip" (With all your free time. :P )

Erica Orloff said...

LOL! You are a marketing genius. I did send a letter to Eureka. We will see if they respond. They are in SWEDEN!

My books have been translated and sold there!!!!


Robin said...

He's so adorable. I think he looks like the cat that swallowed the canary. I'm glad you don't squash his spirit! The world would be more boring without Demon Baby!

Melanie Avila said...

#2 & #3 are total musts! Zoe's idea is great.

Cheryl Kauffman said...

I LOVE your idea for sex education. You should post that idea on

Erica Orloff said...

It's a canary-swallowing look if ever I saw one!

Erica Orloff said...

See my new post. LOL!

Erica Orloff said...

I'll ring up Obama right now.

Anonymous said...

Yay, so, when I just now posted "send it, send it" in reply to your latest post, that may have actually been the letter you sent! haha!

Erica Orloff said...

I actually did write them in Sweden. We'll see what happens. Maybe the Swedes will not be amused.

Sarah Laurenson said...

I see you already have my birth control idea. Maybe get together with the Maury show for when they host those "I want to have a baby" teens. He'd be the best threapy those teens could ever have.

Did you ever see The Baby Borrowers? Same concept in that reality show, but no real Demon Babies.

laughingwolf said...

lol... no mention of being washable off skin, no doubt!

Erica Orloff said...

I read about the concept for that show, and I thought, "Please . . . these kids have NO idea." But Maury . . . now that's brilliant!

Erica Orloff said...


They leave QUITE a ring around the tub.