Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Naked Strike Returns

Management thought it had successfully negotiated a union agreement with the Demons for the end of Naked Strike 2008-2009.

As such, Management conceded to ONLY purchase tag-free all-black fleece sweatpants and black turtlenecks (also tagless) from Old Navy. In return Demon Baby would dress as a Ninja and wear clothes 75% of the time, in return for bathing less because really, if you saw my last post, what's the point of a bath with this kid.

However, settlement talks have failed. Naked Strike has returned. This picture was taken five minutes ago. My family room? That was what greeted me upong my return from getting a haircut when Demon Baby's father was "watching" him. To be fair, it often looks like that when I am in charge too.

Yeah.

Whatever you are thinking about how much of a disaster that room is, the reality is worse.

Note strategically placed couch cushions. That is his Fortress of Naked Solitude.

23 comments:

spyscribbler said...

He was much smarter than I ever was. Maybe if i had thought of a naked strike, I wouldn't have been stuck in that awful dress, LOL!

spyscribbler said...

is much smarter. :-)

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Spy:
It's below 30 here today. And he's naked.
E

zoewinters said...

LMAO, that cracks me up about you being SO close with the ninja 75% thing.

Have you tried negotiating down to 50%?

Or...you could try reverse psychology, (It would work on a kid of average intellect, but probably not demon baby, he's too smart) You could get him a ninja outfit and say he could only be a ninja 25% of the time.

Then like really subliminally promote the coolness of ninjas. So then he's fighting to get more ninja time. Then maybe there will be a ninja kick instead of a naked strike.

Richmond Writer said...

Your house doesn't look as bad as mine and I don't have a Demon Baby.

I took my kid to the pediatrician once and he was covered in magic marker. The man tells me, "you're one brave woman."

Have you tried homemade playdoah? My kids spent a lot of time with that. Though, I was able to confine them to the kitchen. It doesn't come out of carpet. Ask him to make an super powered alien. Let them dry out, hand him markers and then he colors them.

Erica Orloff said...

Zoe:
As I have shared (but maybe not here), I have even tried opening ALL the windows. All that happens is HE gets a towel and wraps it around him like a cape. As we freeze our asses off.


LOL!
E

Erica Orloff said...

Richmond:
He loves Playdoh. And I actually thought about making some. But . . . he could ONLY play with it naked, because if he wears close, he sticks it down his underwear and in his pockets and takes it to other rooms and then mashes it into the carpets. So it's like you have to frisk him. And even then, you can't blink or turn your back. It's an iffy thing around here.
E

Robin said...

I like the Naked Fortress of Solitude! That was a milk out your noser for me.

Travis Erwin said...

Where can I get my very own ... Fortress of Naked Solitude?

Erica Orloff said...

Robin:
All right. Milk out the nose is the HIGHEST comedic compliment!!!
E

P.S. But I nearly had that occur during the infamous Bar Mitzvah film.

Erica Orloff said...

Travis:
For a grown man, this requires the entire family not being home, the shades drawn, and my guess a big screen TV and beer.

Melanie Avila said...

I guess I'm lucky to have my own NFoS. :)

The frisking thing cracks me up...

Erica Orloff said...

Melanie:
Sure. Cracks you up because YOU don't have to frisk a three-year-old with playdough in his underpants.

E

Live and Learn the Hard Way said...

My middle boy was enamored with being "wild and free" as he called it when he was that age. All of my negotiations failed. Luckily modesty prevailed around age seven so hang in there.

Cheryl Kauffman said...

Maybe since he wants a guitar so bad, you could use that as a bargaining chip for wearing clothes? Maybe you could get an outfit with the guitar that magically turns him into a ninja rockstar. Ta da!

Erica Orloff said...

Live and Learn:
For many of his unusual . . . um . . . habits . . .I assume he will not be doing so when he gets to college.

Though yesterday he did come to show me he had stuck marshmellow on his penis, and I really could see a frat boy doing that.
E

Erica Orloff said...

Cheryl:
Are you like a parenting expert secretly visting my site? 'Cause you have the BEST ideas. :-) I'm usin' that one.
E

Cheryl Kauffman said...

I have my own demon daughter that gave me PLENTY of experience. She is 11 now and still tests me daily. It is both a blessing and a curse to have gifted children.

pita-woman said...

I have to admit, I was at a Pampered Chef party last night, & somebody mentioned their little girl running around naked, and of course I had to bring up Demon Baby & his obsession with nakedness and coloring his penis purple. I hope his ears weren't burning too badly. ;)

Erica Orloff said...

Cheryl:
I have four. But he takes the cake. The others more naturally fit into society. He acts like he's been raised by wolves. :-)

E

Erica Orloff said...

pita-woman:
I saw his ears turn red last night. ;-)

And last night, it was not a purple penis, but a marshmellow-coated one.

I swear I do NOT make this stuff up. Hence I am compiling photographic evidence so when he is an adult and says, "I didn't really do all the stuff you say I did" (no doubt when he is complaining about his own Demon Baby), I can whip out pictures and say, "Oh REALLY? Here's proof."

laughingwolf said...

my son was the one who insisted on being nakkers, but only for about a year... still laugh at the thought of him squatting on the cleared kitchen table, and suddenly, the wee let go! :O lol

Erica Orloff said...

laughing wolf:
Demon Baby went through about two months of "marking territory." Best was going outside when the lady across the street, about 60 and a gardener, was outside working on her flowerbeds. He walked to the end of the driveway, dropped his shorts, and peed on the road in her general direction.

Is it a wonder she doesn't wave anymore?