Yes, the stock market is in the tank. Yes, people don't know whether to hide their money under the mattress, put it in the bank, or buy stocks while they are low. But I am here to give you some insider trading information.
Buy Charmin stock.
First, Demon Baby uses it as crime scene tape. He also uses it to tie up his siblings, to stuff in clothes to make scarecrows, and as confetti. Sometimes he lines up long strips of toilet paper and places them on his naked self as a "blanket."
Additionally, he has a bad cold. He is under the impression (see photo above) that he needs 500 squares of toilet tissue to wipe his nose. Each. Time. He. Sneezes.
In these times of uncertainty . . . buy Charmin stock. The parent company is Proctor and Gamble. As of this morning, stock prices are $50.95. That's UP by .84. I'm telling you. It's a sure thing.
Demon Baby's Mother