Monday, February 16, 2009

Secret Naked Strike

I now know that Demon Baby is actually the reincarnation of Hugh Hefner. Yes, I realize Hef isn't dead yet, but he's PRACTICALLY dead, at like, what? Eighty-something?

You see, Demon Baby got a new bathrobe. He's never had one before . . . but I dug his brother's old one out of a box of clothes I saved. It's brown and fleece and very warm. After Demon Baby's last ritualistic Ninja bath, I held out the bathrobe.

"What's that?"

"A bathrobe."

"What for?"

"Your lips are blue from being in the tub so long. This will warm you up."

[Note: He takes FREEZING cold baths . . . his choice.]

He shrugged and put it on.

"You look handsome in in it," I offered.

Demon Baby snuggled in, then went off to play. About an hour later he returned--still (!!) in his bathrobe. This was like a new record of non-nakedness.

"I like my bathrobe."

"Great!"

"Wanna know why?"

"Sure . . . " I said. But deep down, I thought, do I really want to know why?

"Because, when you wear a bathrobe, you can be totally NAKED underneath, but no one has to KNOW you're naked. So it's like you're SECRETLY naked. Even in front of company."

"Good to know, Demon Baby."

As he walked off, I suddenly glimpsed him, head of an empire of near-naked Demons. And I thought . . . my God . . . my kid is a junior Hefner.

16 comments:

Travis Erwin said...

Hef's done quite well for himself, so maybe Demon Baby is on to something.

pita-woman said...

Secret naked is good, & I guess most of us are guilty of partaking in that ritual from time to time.
Let's just hope he doesn't move from robes to trench-coats.

Erica Orloff said...

Travis:
Well . . . he also likes breasts, so . . . you know, the kid may well have a future as a playboy. But his mom is a feminist, so that's not gonna fly too well.
E

Erica Orloff said...

Pita-Woman:
The thought of him in a mini trench coact cracks me up.
E

laughingwolf said...

lol... could be worse, somehow :O lol

Erica Orloff said...

laughing wolf:
With him, it could ALWAYS be worse. But his logic of nakedness . . . well, the kid is definitely "something."
E

fakefrenchie said...

No, Hef wears PJs under his bathrobe.

Erica Orloff said...

Fake Frenchie:
So in other words, he is MORE of a hedonist than Hefner? ;-)
E

Robin said...

You know, technically we're all naked under our clothes, so he could get dressed but be secretly naked all the time. (Oh, man, I am waaay smarter than a 3 year old. But what do I say when he turns 4? I'm hosed.)

Erica Orloff said...

Robin;
My guess is he'll always be a step ahead of us.

E

Melanie Avila said...

Robin stole my answer! Smart-pants child psychiatrist! Hopefully the robe helps with his illness.

Erica Orloff said...

Melanie:
He was "down" for about 12 hours with fever . . . and now is as wild as ever, just coughing, poor baby!!!
E

kathulhu said...

Ok, I just read every single one of your blog entries. It's late and I need to go to bed. Love it! I have 2 boys, ages 3 and 4, and I thought they were a handful. They are NOTHING compared to Demon Baby!!! Although my 3 year old aspires to be a demon :) It's a good thing I live no where near you or your child would probably turn mine into henchmen.

kathulhu said...

Oh and ps - the time stamp on the comments say it's 8:50 PM but it's really almost midnight, where I live.

Erica Orloff said...

Hi Kathulu:
Well, I am glad the shambles of my life amuses you at midnight. ;-)

E

Realmcovet said...

You need to get a picture of him in the Hef robe, ASAP!! How utterly adorable.

You are so freaking funny Erica. I heart you. :)