1. This is the frigginest birthday ever.
Translation: This birthday was awesome.
2. I am NEVER going to kindergarten. Kindergarten is evil.
Translation: Even though it's a year and a half away, Mom, you will be spending a LOT of time getting acquainted with the principal.
3. My new bike is SW-EE-EE-EE-T!
Translation: Now I can REALLY scare my mom by riding at breakneck speeds.
4. Wait a minute . . . I'm not BIG. I thought I would wake up and be big.
Translation: I still don't get this whole growing up thing.
5. I'm going to drink my ice cream with a straw.
Translation: There really is no sense in giving me a spoon.
6. My pants are itchy.
Translation: I am going to be naked in about five seconds.
7. This shirt is too small on me.
Translation: See #6
8. I have an exceptional vocabulary.
Translation: See #2
9. I'm going to lick the salt shaker in this restaurant.
Translation: I hope the health inspector comes here regularly.
10. Will you come lay with me until I fall asleep. Otherwise I'm lonely.
Translation: Even though I am a Demon Baby, Mama, I will always love you, and I know you love me.